It’s no secret that I’ve been down and out and second guessing my abilities while training for the ING NYC Marathon. I’m normally a very happy and positive person but I’ve just been so crabby lately (which I’m sure you can tell by my recent posts).

A good friend of mine sent me a message on Facebook this week that said:

“You’re always so positive, energetic and encouraging towards others that I’m surprised you’ve had a lot of negative thoughts about the race. Obviously the ankle injury has something to do with it but it seems very uncharacteristic of you.”

Sigh…………this really hit home with me. She’s completely right.

So I wanted to tell everyone where my negativity is coming from. This is what has been going through my head:

1. Yes, I ran 20 miles this past weekend, but they weren’t quality miles. I honestly can say that I’m not sure how I’m going to be able to finish another 6.2 miles. I remember what it was like when I ran 20 miles last year in training for the Pittsburgh Marathon. I felt prepared, confident, and ready to tackle the race. And that race didn’t even go as planned! If I couldn’t run that race at my full potential with fantastic training under my belt, how the heck am I going to finish NYC?
2. My original goal for finishing NYC was 5 hours. I figured that was reasonable considering my ankle injury and lack of training. Well, I’m doubting that time now. I’m not sure it’s possible!
3. The one thing I can honestly tell you is that I know how I feel towards the end of my long runs. My legs ache and I have a hard time catching my breath. It’s no fun. And not how I remember training in the past. It’s such a struggle (and defeating, to say the least)!

J told me I need to stop comparing this training to last since it’s not apples to apples. He’s right, I know this. And I know I just need to enjoy the experience on race day – I mean, it’s FREAKIN NYC. Which is why I don’t want to feel like death. I want to feel good enough that I CAN experience the race.

I’m just sad that it had to happen this way. I’m sad I only had 10 weeks to train, I’m sad my ankle is still swollen, and I’m sad I’m not in as good of shape as I was last time I trained for a marathon. I know I was meant to run this race. Deep down inside I know it. I just wish it were under better circumstances.

So, like I mentioned last week, I’m going to try to start looking at the GOOD side of things from here on out. I’m going to revel in the fact that I ran 8 miles tonight and negative split the entire run. I’m going to be happy that my new shoes came in with plenty of time to break in before the marathon:

Aren’t they pretty? Not sure if you can tell, but they are bright PINK (not red) – my favorite are the laces. I LOVE them!

Nike Pegasus are my running shoe of choice. They have a wider toe and I NEVER get blisters. Three generations right here:

Oldest, Old, New

10 days til the marathon. I don’t have much of a taper since my training period was so short, so I have on long(er) run this weekend and then it’s recovery time til race day!

It’s time to let go of the doubt and let the excitement take over. It’s almost here!!!!!!!!

What is your running shoe of choice? Do you stick to one brand/model, or do you switch often?